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Dear Dewdropper,

I’m getting really tired of our nightly squabble. You ruffle my feathers with your shake and bobble. At first you snore and then you squeeze, and soon I’m flattened with too much ease. To lose my feathers, I cannot bear. How would you feel if you lost your hair?

I spent all summer getting buff and now you’ve left me with no fluff. At the rate you have me losing weight, there’s no way I’ll find a mate!

This snoring now has got so grueling, I find myself preferring drooling. It didn’t always used to be this way; we used to snooze the days away. But now, your belly’s gotten rounder and I’ve been flattened like a flounder.

Please see a doctor. Be merciful! Before this problem is irreversible.

Your Pancaked Pal

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