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Dear Loud Mouth,

At first, we’re fine, deep in slumber, and then you start your nightly number. My eyes shoot open, wide with fear, as this is a sound I often hear. I know now what’s coming next; her nose will scrunch as if she’s vexed. And then, without the slightest hesitation, she’ll roll over for my nightly suffocation. The only way she can drown you out, is to smother me violently while I shout. You can see how I might be frustrated, this routine is not well rated.

You can’t go one second without making a peep! Please will you just let us sleep? Tomorrow we have an early rise, but to you that should be no surprise. We need this rest before our meeting, or important details I won’t be hearing. If I cannot stay alert, some odd words she’s sure to blurt.

I know you want her to succeed, which is why now I plead. Please see a doctor for your sound, though I know you are too proud. I do not want to sound like a nag, but get some help or you’ll be going stag.

The One That Lives in Constant Fear,
Your Wife’s Right Ear


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